April 23, 2012

Posts will be less frequent for a while, as I am off work recovering from surgery. This one is from one of my coworkers: Produce worker to deli worker: "I'll hold my bottom if you pull off your top." He wss helping her get the two sections of a banana box apart.

"I need to conquer my urge for sausage."

April 8, 2012

"After 7 years, you can become a born-again virgin. Yeah, your hymen grows back."

April 3

--That's what I'm going to name my daughter. Gionna.
--You want kids?
--Yeah. Just gotta get a girl first. I need a vessel.

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--I want the plastic chicken.
--What?!
--The plastic, processed, reinvented, styrofoam chicken.

April 2

I'm a fearless woman! I'll try any salami once.

April 1

-What are you guys doing back here?
-Downloading porn.
(They weren't.)

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-[looks at ruler] 8 inches. That's a lot. I don't think I've ever seen that. [a few moments later] I always underestimate my inches. When I go to get my hair cut
-Oh, you're talking about haircuts.
-Yes, haircuts. What did you think I was talking about, cock?

March 31

A customer had ordered casalingo salami.

Coworker: "How much Mandingo did you want?"