March 26

"Sausages! Ges of saus! Oh wait."

March 24

--You can get a student massage for $30.
--If I want students touching my body, I'll go to UBC on keg night.

March 20

[to customer buying sausages] Did you want a little stub action in your package?

March 19

"She gave me a piece of her steak and it was so good I almost orgasmed."

-------

-What's wrong with this mortadella? It's like it isn't binded together properly.
-I believe the word is bound.
-I'll bind you!

March 18

Today I was eating my lunch in the break room when a coworker came in, ripped a piece of paper towel off a roll on the table and wrote the following quotation, from another coworker, on it:

"So... we're low on small balls."

Not bocconcini, but balls.

March 17

Coworker: You rub that thing! Rub it! Rub it good!

_______

Coworker: I'm going to go home and light a fire in my fireplace. Have a romantic evening alone. Break out the new toys.

March 13

Customer: "Can I get a couple hundred grams of that ghetto white thing?" [pointing to the plain chicken]

March 12

Coworker: "Have you ever been to a swinger party?"

No, can't say that I have!

Coworker: Only two fingers? That's not enough.

------

In the spirit of inappropriateness: Don't forget to move your cock forward today. Thankfully, no one said that at work.

March 6

Coworker: "I crave meat. I haven't had enough meat lately."

----------

Today, a customer told me that he hadn't been in for a while after reading about the health consequences of eating deli meats. He told me: "If something's gotta kill me, it may as well be you guys as something else." Fair enough.

March 5

- "I have this little bottle of man juice."
- "WHAT kind of juice?!"

March 4

Coworker: "There's white stuff on my meat."

------------

Coworker: "I usually forgive things for being small if they're tasty."

------------

Coworker (to customer buying many sausages): "Are you having a sausage party?"
Customer: "No! Don't say that so loud!"

------------

Coworker: "I've never had a ham squirt at me. Almost sexy."

------------

Coworker: "I suddenly have the urge to throw this [closed sign] on my womb."